We are homeschooling. What?!

If you know me, you know that I've approached parenting with a natural lean from the beginning. I've breastfed all three of my children, used cloth diapers, birthed my last two at home in water and even had my placenta encapsulated. Every decision I've ever made, in regard to them, I've felt 100 % happy with. That is, until the day came that my oldest was to begin public school.

It felt wrong. So wrong. But, it was what you did. At the appropriate age off she would go to learn and grow among peers her age. I enjoyed public school for the most part, doing well and continuing on to college. But this little girl is not anything like me socially. Let us start with preschool.

We found a half-day program when she was 3. She enjoyed it, and had wonderful teachers. The next year when she moved up to the 4 year old class however, a rather stern teacher was in charge. She had very negative aura veiled in positive comments that just rubbed me the wrong way. I went with it though, just because the rest of the staff was great. Big mistake. Huge. I sat in on several classes and in one instance this woman was threatening a 2 year old right next to my daughter. My daughter went into herself so deeply that I don't know that we'll ever be able to undo that damage. She was terrified of upsetting this woman, so much that she made herself sick in class (with me in the room to see it). She internalizes to this day every correction her classmates receive and she stresses about it all day long. She's visibly anxious each morning and complains of tummy issues often. She's even anxious now in fun situations, afraid to make the wrong choice from the prize box, or which bear to choose at the store.

I thought it would get better. She had nearly 2 more years at home after we took her out of preschool. She's the oldest one in the class. But 6 months in and while she was no longer crying every morning, she often talked about how she wishes her friends would make better choices and how she really didn't want to go. It pained me every day to know how stressed she was. At only 6, it just didn't feel right. Maybe she needed more time? I just didn't know.

Well, we're moving in April and she can no longer go to her current school. I love it because it is year round so she gets a nice 3 week break every 9 weeks to just be a kid and relax. Her teacher is great, as is the administration. It is everything I could ask for in a school. A traditional schedule in her new school though would mean 9 straight months of stress. Once school gets more rigorous, how would she cope? The squeaky wheel gets the grease. So if she makes OK grades, and does everything the teacher ever tells her, how would she get the help she might need? Would she even be able to tell me she's struggling? She's so stressed about doing the right thing all the time.

I can't do it. Not when I could give her better, give her a chance to be all that she could be without fear and anxiety.

When asked if she wanted to do this, school at home, she quickly said no. Surprised, I thought fine, maybe I had it all wrong. But later in the sweetest little voice on the brink of tears, she asked if she could change her mind. She asked "What will my teacher say if I don't come to school? Will she be mad?" Again, this sweet spirit just wants to make everyone happy and do what she's supposed to do. I told her of course it was fine and she said softly as I said goodnight, "I want to learn with my sister." Well, you got it baby girl :)

So, today was her last day in public school. We are homeschooling and I'm beyond excited. I love to learn, have always dreamed of being a teacher, and the chance to do it all over again with my babies is heaven on Earth. It's going to be hard. Really hard. I provide daycare so there will be 5 kids here under 6 (2 under 2!). But it will be crazy fun at the same time and with the support of family, dinner will get made, lessons will be learned, and the house will not fall apart.